To feel safe and supported by the presence of another is a founding tenet in how we learn to be together and to thrive as an individual. Easier said than done. There is nothing straight forward or textbook in how this is achieved, what it looks like, or perhaps most to the point, how this, while grand in thought, could ever truly succeed in being ‘all inclusive.’ Track records show that our attempts to experience this freedom has come at the cost of others.
When calamity strikes from outrage and injury in communities, for example, we are getting the feedback that we have left someone behind. As tragic as these moments are, they are a golden opportunity to realize we need to do better, they hold the potential to course correct.
Better alignment often comes from no longer being satisfied with misalignment, when the body speaks up. We are essentially asking ourselves to shift our way of being and doing so that there is a greater level of safety and support within the inner workings. On the cellular level this inherent course correction (known as a feedback loop) is the key to equilibrium. Any action without reflection, without feedback, without a pause to understand the implications of continuing as before, can lead to an unhealthy imbalance.
With children’s incredible sensitivity (see pictures below) comes an amazing amount of feedback that, while not articulated succinctly, nevertheless asks for such a pause, reflection, and possible course correction. And by children, I really mean all of us– all day every day. Learning to better articulate is an ongoing process. Perhaps more importantly though, is being open to the feedback sooner rather than later (here I differentiate the work of adults from that of kids.)
Maturity comes when we can soften our skin to be receptive to the nuance needed in each moment, internally and between one another, to bear witness to our own part in opening up a space to be together and to thrive individually, to create safety and support. Because when we do, we lessen the number of times that the feedback has to reach a level of calamity and outraged injury just to be recognized.
I love the momentary shift between coherence and play, and discord and overwhelm. It is all momentary, determined one moment to the next. Welcomed and free to fluctuate, we recognize their means for expression and intrinsic beauty. No longer do we feel identified by them, and we’re less drawn to label them as good and bad.
We relate when we are close and when we are afar.
To feel safe and sovereign in both the proximity and the distance leads to a sigh of relief.