A Personal Share

Since last connecting, I’ve experienced a great loss- my oldest sister died from cancer on June 23rd, 2024. I have been at a loss for words, I mostly find myself ruminating, reflecting, and letting go into grief, silence and stillness.

The memorial for my sister will be in September, but our yearly, family trip to Colorado happened as usual and was sweetly well-timed, we were there to help witness the transition of Jocelyn no longer being physically with us. Having just returned to NYC this past weekend, I am now grieving the time I had in Colorado!! The few weeks I got to enjoy being in her spaces, with our family and her friends was extremely special and I will cherish it.

I share this because it’s time for me to ask more of you to hold this new world with me, a world where her light has transformed and expanded to new realms, where she has met the mystery more intimately and her laugh echos on the subtle plane for infinity. I think part of me thought to wait to write until I was ready to ‘move on’ but the truth is this shift in the workings of my family, my sense of self and the world needs me to actively integrate, so thank you for witnessing this with me!

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It’s been such an epiphany to notice how time moves. In fact, time immediately moves on, almost to say ‘get on with it’– I’m being nudged to continue to setting up programs for the fall and beyond. All the same, I am more confidently leaning into available time and space to sit with the re-arranging that’s happening within the fabric of my being and the world’s. While this isn’t what I would have wanted (obviously), to be with life as it is now holds such depth of presence, this experience brings grief into the mix with joy and love, and all the rest!

I am ever grateful for my yoga practice, for my communities and for each breath that keeps me connected to this diverse, dichotomous, unfolding, planet of life.

Join with me–
take a moment to be with your breath,
for as long as it takes
until you can touch the knowing within you
that life is a gift,
this knowing is never absent
but is known more truly
when we let go of all of the drama
and the simple propelling force of life
within us and around us
comes to the forefront.

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On 40th birthdays and my sister’s passing—
This first picture is from Thursday, the day I turned 40 years old.
It’s nothing special except it was also the last contact I had with my oldest sister, Jocelyn.
She sent me a text early in the day telling me she loved me. I replied with a longish text telling her the same,
but also that my birthday wish was for her lasting joy, and I said a final goodbye— to offer her absolute space and ease for her pending transition.
Later that day, my youngest sister took this picture of Kian and I and sent it to the sister’s text chain and Jocelyn hearted it.
This picture and this birthday will forever mean the world to me as it was the last time I was seen by my big sister.

The second picture is maybe 10 years old? Just saw it for the first time yesterday. I really like it as I am no doubt reacting to some comment from Jocelyn— perhaps funny, perhaps cutting, perhaps insightful, perhaps extremely inappropriate.
She always expanded my world and kept me from taking it all too seriously and I loved her more every time I was with her.
If you knew Jocelyn and want to read her obituary and find out more about her memorial, I’ll put the link in the comments.
Just know, she befriended death and showed me how to leave this world.
So as for me? While I am grieving, I am also profoundly grateful for how she has once again led the charge for the rest of us and modeled how to live life to the fullest all the way to the end.